You Are What You Wear

to warrior Saint.

Welcome to the...

you

Yeah, philosophy teacher once, he had this really funny line, said that uh anybody with
any kind of power wears a funny hat.

You have a funny hat, yeah, there a lot of funny hats.

of funny hat.

That's funny.

I never thought about it that way.

But I actually like, I like, I like dressing.

I'm not here, you know, on radio.

I'm not this second, but I actually like dressing to an audience.

do.

That's actually important to me.

Yeah.

So you're not seeing the best of me today.

And the people don't have to look at me.

I'm kind of slabbing a slacker today.

m

I actually...

I kind of was very inspired by my teacher because he always held himself out as dressing
like a king.

And I was not getting that at all, but now I actually do.

I generally like to dress my best and I like to dress very elegantly.

So what's that for you?

What are you wearing?

Oh, you know, well, not only where I have a turban, which I normally wear, but often I'll
wear, you know, beautiful gowns and pearls and what's tougher in New York is you're afraid

somebody's going to jump on you on the subway, right?

Actually, you know, I can't dress like because I don't think I'd make it home alive.

Really?

Because you'd just be all blinged out.

blinged out.

I'm a blinger.

I'm like totally when given the opportunity I like to totally bling out and to wear really
big sparkly jewels and pearls and beautiful silk vests from China and all that.

I love that.

Huh.

And it's funny because I met my teacher and he was like that and I was actually offended
by this.

that is very non-spiritual, eventually he won me over.

sometimes I'll dress down like I am today just in jeans and a New York giant t-shirt.

It's more arresting for people to see you wearing a giant t-shirt and a leather jacket
with a turban on it.

no, it's not.

fact, I'll tell you a funny story that's happened last week.

You know, in our tradition, we have something called Bana.

Bana means, it's like an official Bana dress, you know, of a Sikh, you know.

But in general, means your physical projection.

And it's actually an important part of our lifestyle.

It's one of the legs of the table, sort of the four legs of the table.

Bana, Bani, Simran and Seva.

Bani is the scriptural teachings.

That's uh Bani.

And Seva is service.

And Simran is meditation.

And Bani is your appearance.

So it's actually one of the four uh legs of the table.

body, service, meditation, and projection.

ah No, projection, uh like the word of the guru, the actual teachings, uh meditation on
God's name and service to humanity.

That's the four legs that this thing stands on.

oh And so, Bhaan is one quarter of them.

I never quite got that, but later on I got that.

It's really funny.

I see the show What Not to Wear.

Have seen that?

to me is some-

Spiritual Show on television.

Alright, you know, mean, okay, let me, yeah, I can go with you on that.

At first, I hated that show.

I thought it was so mean, and I thought that, what's her face?

with the whites.

yeah, yeah.

Yeah, America's favorite team.

And I thought it was awful.

But yeah, actually, we had her on the morning show on Martha.

She's I mean, she's dynamic.

She's a really cool person.

I mean, she was very.

a great-

teacher.

Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what I took away from her thing is that I mean, they have to,
I could understand once I got to that, that station in life that, okay, you have to make a

TV show, you have to make it interesting, there has to be some drama and that, you know,
all parties have to be responsible for themselves.

So the people that they take on the show, and they rip their closet apart and you know,
throw away their beloved.

That's a spiritual teacher.

It is, yeah.

You have to get rid of your baggage.

what a spiritual teacher does.

They, they not.

spiritual teacher will just be a hammer.

They'll rip you apart and they'll help you build yourself back together again.

And that is a great spiritual teacher.

Good spiritual teacher is going to just totally dismember you and show you who you are.

strip away all the veneer of all the lies.

Show you for who you are and give you the tools to be what you can be that's a great
teacher and so to me that great teachers because If you really watch that show with this

what happens?

People start to show and they they're their Bona is screwed up Their Bona is screwed the
bond of their projection is is a mess But this is actually always a reflection of their

consciousness

because they don't feel good about themselves.

hate themselves.

They're actually saying to the world, hate myself.

And there's a congruence.

And often they feel very misunderstood, as they should be, because they want people to
have a certain uh take on them, but what they're projecting is not that.

And so what these spiritual teachers are doing through clothing is actually

They totally get who this person is.

They get it.

And it's not like they're telling them to dress like somebody else should dress.

They're showing them how to dress to be themselves so that they're congruent on the
outside and the inside so there's no misunderstanding.

And to me, that's what Bana is, is that...

what you are on the outside is an accurate reflection of who you are on the inside, that
everything about you is congruent.

So your outer projection of the world is absolutely important.

And you can see at the end of the show, all these shows that people are very uplifted and
in tears and they don't necessarily dress the same way, but they feel like...

Whoever they're showing themselves to be is actually the best of what they are.

And so I think these people are like very tapped into something.

They can actually see the person who they are and they get it and they can find a way for
the person to understand that and to present themselves in a way that's congruent.

I think it's really uplifting.

Man, yeah, I really I do have to agree with you and I think it's really interesting that I
think somehow the message got lost and maybe Maybe the hippies had something to do with

that I don't know but I think people are it's part of the the capitalist white person
problem is that you know, we've heard that how that conspicuous consumption is bad and

that Conspicuous consumption is not spiritual and that's you know buying

It's expressing yourself through buying things.

But it's not can it actually has nothing to do with that because to me

Now I'm that way.

What do mean?

I, I.

am ostentatious.

You like to swipe that credit card?

No, like to be a mother.

You know, my mother like to spend like an hour in mirror every day.

When I was younger, that to me, that seemed just a total waste of time and energy.

And I found it actually kind of offensive and superficial.

And it always aggravated me until later in life, I realized that I was my mother.

That what I didn't like in her was what I really that's who I am and I was rejecting who I
was which is I'm a very flamboyant person as my mother is.

My father wasn't that way at all.

and he never that way would have been totally incongruent.

But my mother is very extravagant person and she's very flamboyant and extravagant by
nature.

So it is absolutely appropriate that her dress should be

you know, extravagant and flamboyant because that's actually who she is.

And I'm that way.

I'm extravagant and flamboyant and people relate to me the best when I project myself that
way.

Now somebody else could be very, just very simple and understated.

And if they try to be extravagant, people would pick up that this was a lie.

This was ingenuous.

They were trying to be somebody they're not.

And if I am presenting myself,

Actually, as I'm presenting myself.

now to you is actually unbelievably dishonest.

This is not who I am.

I'm dishonest how I, I'm like a total king.

I dress like a king.

And when I don't dress like a king, I'm not presenting myself honestly.

So I'm really not presenting myself honestly to you.

And I don't feel as good as I do when I dress like a king.

And so it has to do with your projection.

Like for instance, my wife, who you've met, my wife's a very beautiful woman.

and as you can attest to and she has a very different taste.

She comes from a very, very humble background.

She's a very humble, understated person.

she always, even when she's dressed up, she dresses very simple but fine.

She's very understated but she's very clean, fine.

It's reflection of who she is.

If she was to be walked down the street,

you know, blinging it, okay, our people would just go, what do want to do there?

But it's, but when the two of us are together and I'm dressing, I'm way over the top and
she's just very simple and elegant and simple, everybody gets it.

That's how it's, that's how it is.

So, so it's not actually just, it's not like dressing up.

or having consumption, it's a matter of everybody knowing who they are and to represent
that the best you can be.

Yeah.

So wearing that sweater that just makes you feel awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah, by, sp-

But it has to be who you are.

A lot of people I find, can tell a lot about people how I feel around them because I'll
look at them and my first reaction is they're hiding.

So you can hide behind your clothing when you're very dressed up, but you can also be
hiding behind your clothing when you're very dressed down.

As I'm doing right now, I'm hiding right now.

Because you don't really see me, you're just seeing me.

This is just a...

Hey, sorry, no.

Actually, you know, I'm going undercover right now.

Because if I dress like I really wanted to, people just are like,

That's really interesting that you used that word because I feel like, yeah, mean, well
sometimes you just have to be incognito.

I mean, there are days when you're just like, I just gotta hunker down here, you know?

Yeah,

It's a question you say you don't need to because I actually, think sometimes the
opposite, that when you're feeling that way, you actually need to.

For me, this is the whole Bana thing again, because the more that I am dressing to the
height of whoever it is that I am, the more that I'm naked and people just, it's funny,

it's really interesting that when I...

dress like I'm a spiritual king of the world.

You know, I'm just that kind of dead hole blingy, you know, it is like being naked and
people look at you like you're naked.

They don't look at you like you're dressed up.

They look at you like you're naked because because

they can see right through you.

It's very interesting this way.

There's no place to hide.

You're actually putting your ass on the line.

You are putting yourself out who you are to the nth degree.

And now you're totally out of this whole area conformity that you are exactly you.

you're so you that people have no choice but to notice.

And now you're out of blending in.

And everybody's looking at you.

and it puts you on the spot and they're watching everything you do and they're listening
to everything you say.

Now you have to be responsible for what you, who you are.

And that's the whole idea of this whole Bana.

And it took me many years to understand it.

I just had this thing last week, it was very interesting.

It was like a progression in one day.

I went out in the morning and I was just go off for coffee and I was dressed like I am
right now, which is pretty much jeans and my New York giant t-shirt, right?

And I have a turban.

So people all got this interest in guys wearing a turban, but you don't really get much
reaction.

And then later in the day, I had to get ready to give a class and I changed out of my
jeans to where I was wearing a very lovely, like what we call a kurta, was a long white.

uh

Kinda cotton.

You've seen them.

It's in traditional Indian uh long shirt, like cotton, I had some nice rings on and I had
the white.

Okay, now people are, I know some people are looking, who's that guy?

Because now I'm wearing jeans, so now who's this guy?

And then I had a teacher class and then I was wearing this thing I got from Africa, which
is beautiful ornate thing that I put actually on top of the white thing.

And this is now

actually the thing that people in Africa wear when they get married.

I mean so this is it's like I'm going to a wedding.

So now I'm dressed and I have this beautiful necklace I'm wearing and I got this beautiful
robe on top of a So at the same

And within a couple of hours I had the giant t-shirt, then I had like the, you know, a
nice, but understated dress.

Now I'm putting one piece of clothing on top of that.

Just one piece of cloth, actually.

And now I'm stopping traffic.

Okay?

And same person.

All right?

It just, it's taking this on other levels.

at the end of it, that's like so me that people are actually like, who's that?

And be careful what I say.

When I was wearing the giant t-shirt, could pretty much say anything I want to say, and
people forget in five minutes.

When I put all this other dress on, people are actually going to remember what I said for
20 years, and that does happen.

It's really interesting.

And you wonder, like, why does that happen?

I'm the same person.

So, and then when people say then, well, it doesn't matter who you are on the outside,
only matters what you are on the inside, that's actually not true.

That's not true because...

I'm having a much different interaction with the world.

The impact of what I'm saying and doing is far amplified when I'm dressing congruent with
my highest vibration.

And it probably has something to do with intention too,

Yeah, and my intention is that now when I'm this way I have to I'm making choices I'm
making choices to absolutely not blend in But I'm gonna be held responsible for that So

this is this is one of the reasons why we have this whole BANA concept Is it to make us
responsible, you know, like, you know, for instance if I if I right now if I took off my

turban

just put my hair back in a ponytail, right?

And I already got t-shirt and jeans.

I could actually go around the corner and go to a strip joint, a bar, and nobody would
actually know.

I'm the same person, okay?

But then if I come back in here, I put on my turban, and I put on nice, nice pressed,
white, beautiful clothing.

I actually can walk in there.

I mean, people would beat me up.

I couldn't even get in the door.

beat you up.

Yeah, I walked into like like a drinking bar or strip joint and I was dressed as a
Completely different thing.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I'm wearing a turban.

I'm wearing these beautiful clothes and what?

How people dress to walk in there that's a whole right but No, I

Telling about this story maybe last week and now where I actually I was in I was telling
about this like coffee and I think Taking a guy in into a strip joint.

Yeah, and we were very dressed up Uh-huh.

We were very dressed up because I wanted to prove to him that you know people work in
there or brothers and sisters and they're hurting you know But the interesting thing was

is that if we had just walked in there

without turbans and with our hair and ponytails and just jeans, nobody would have even
blinked, but we're the same people.

But now we're walking in dressed with suggesting another type of life and the place came
to a dead halt.

man, I'm surprised they didn't think you were like from Dubai, like really wealthy or...

sometimes that happens.

Sometimes that happens too.

Now I've gone into like a filling station, know?

And know, it's funny that somebody comes up to me and goes, you know, the guy in the
other, the guy back by the cash register, he just wanted to know, are you a millionaire?

Of course I'm not.

But yeah, it gives them the impression of that.

But this, the outward appearance is actually uh very, important to us.

But the reason is not consumption, it's that you need to be congruent.

And on this particular path that I walk on, we are not uh cave dwellers.

Yeah, that's interesting.

This makes me really think a lot about um what's going on in feminism right now, because
there's, I think there's been a real wave of women, young women celebrating their sexiness

and celebrating it through clothes and celebrating it through the way that they dress.

um And I think it's kind of divided.

people, there's sort of people who, there's like girly feminists and not girly feminists.

feminist and nucky.

I've seen both.

um And I like the girly feminist thing is really super interesting.

It's like this, you know, like lipstick empowerment thing and just hearing you talk about
this.

I mean, you know my

There are several different ways to feel about that.

But one way that I've felt about it is like, no, you're using the tools of oppression.

This is what they wanted you to do.

Of course, like, no, it's working too well that now you feel empowered because you're
using Maybelline.

Great, that's going to give you.

it.

Yeah, that's a very good point.

mean, so and people get offended by especially feminists get offended by my point of view
here.

Yeah, but.

And I actually like.

because I think fashion to me, I'm interested in almost everything and fashion to me is
just art.

It's just wearable art.

And I think the people who are the great fashion designers are great artists and I
actually like watching the shows on TV on the runway and all that.

I like Vogue, like LA.

love that.

you watch TV?

Yeah, do.

That's a good show.

No, people think I'm great.

They can't imagine because I to watch TV.

Why would I?

Yeah, but I'm a guy.

But I like art and to me fashion is just wearable art and I really appreciate it.

I think it's kind of stupid the way the women walk up the run.

This looks ridiculous to me.

also why would you want to be so skinny?

I don't find that even attractive.

I to me, I've seen some of these women in Soho.

I'm sorry that maybe some of them are listening to you, but I feel that's very sad.

mean why would you want...

be this way.

mean, you're going to kill yourself.

mean, it's somebody else's idea of beauty.

To me, it's actually, most guys actually, I can tell you don't find that very beautiful.

And it's somebody else's idea.

I don't know whose idea of it is being beautiful to be skin and bones.

it.

I think I mean, I worked in fashion photography for like a hot minute and just talking to
different models.

I mean, it's

It is the standard.

mean, it's like, you know, need to have a certain kind of license to drive a truck.

That's the barrier to entry to being a model.

But I mean, it started for like logistical reasons that they needed a standard size.

um And, you know, obviously that size would be small and lean, tall and lean.

I mean, it's gotten completely out of hand.

And that part, I don't really quite understand why like

culturally a massive people working in the industry would like push it so

you gotta

cultures that would be considered they'd look at them think that that's weird yeah you
know you know you like woman more bell-shaped for childbearing

I mean like let's be honest.

I mean men men are attracted to women because they want to impregnate them and you know I
mean you want to have some fat tits to milk your kid with you know, I mean aside from just

that it's more fun that way but Yeah, it's ah It's all eyes.

It's weird.

And I mean, I think I agree with you.

I think that fashion is really it's an interesting subject I think I mean, it's frivolous.

It's an it's it's part of

It's a stamp that we've made it this far.

in

Rich people do not, the average person does not wear what they have on those magazines
anyhow.

In fact, I never see it, unless you're going to like a rich person's cocktail party, you
would never actually see these clothes.

But I'm more interested in how people choose to present themselves.

you brought up a very interesting point about women, feminists looking sexy, but I think
the feminism aside

which is a whole nother philosophy and political thing that's another discussion but

To me.

And people would be offended by this, but it's like this, I like looking at a pretty girl,
because I'm a guy and I like to see that and I appreciate even a woman who presents

herself very fashionably.

Okay, you beautiful dress and beautiful hairdo and nice make I mean it's yeah, it's very
it's it's it's a work of art and the woman is very beautiful and she's doing everything to

just present uh a presentation of beauty whatever by whatever standard

that's fine.

No, that's fine.

I mean, I actually have no...

What women do...

I've been doing, it's a head scratcher for me, is that they present themselves and they
want to be taken seriously and they want it to be respected just as a person, but they're

basically dressing in way that just says, fuck me.

That's how they're dressing.

And then somebody treats them like, I want to fuck you.

And then they're offended.

why you have

That's what you're announcing.

why I mean you can't have it both ways.

Yeah, so to me it's Any big political statement it's not about it's more like people have
to take responsibility personal responsibility in that

the way that you present yourselves, that is how you should expect people to see you.

That's fair.

So if someone is presenting themselves in a suggestive manner sexually and people are kind
of taking them up on that, um accept that.

And then you have no right to get angry at the person who's looking at you that way
because you're putting that out there.

Now, some people...

get really offended at a point of view that I'm sharing here, but to me, it's not even
about sex.

It's about just taking responsibility, however you are, that you're the one who chooses
how you're going to present yourself so you should accept that people will take you at

face value.

Yeah, I mean, I will.

I, I basically agree with what you're saying that we need you need to understand you need
to know what you look like.

And it's a really difficult thing for women.

And I think it's something that people are still coming to grips with and trying to
understand and maybe it has to do with, you know, mass produced, I think a lot of it

actually has to do with mass produced clothing and not understanding your own body because
women

Like one shirt on one girl will look totally different, like a flat chested chick versus a
big titted chick.

that, I mean, maybe, maybe I'm just dumb.

Like maybe I'm just really slow on the uptake, but like that kind of shit plagued me for
so long.

Like I would not, I, I, wasn't that I couldn't objectively see that I was like spilling
out of things, but it was more like,

I deserve to wear this because this was sold to me by a corporation that I love and trust
and they're selling this to me like I should be wearing it.

Well, people say that.

I actually, I appreciate that point of view, but I wouldn't like agree with that because
to me, at the end of the day, I that's where people have to start getting away from this

kind of thinking altogether, whether it's clothes or iPhones or televisions or anything
that people, there's all this corporate structure is like saying we can't live without

this.

I mean basically this is

is the issue.

It's not about clothes or feminism.

this, is that as human beings, uh we are on a torrent, just a total waterfall torrent of
nonstop deluge of messages that we can't possibly be happy unless we're wearing this style

of jeans or we have a 65 inch television.

or we live in a beautiful house over, you know, it's a constant measure, we need this car.

So, okay, so we know that's happening.

Some of the reasons happening is that the people who are selling it to us wanna make money
so they can feel comfortable.

Everybody's kind of in this big lie together.

Everybody's participating in this lie together.

So really the issue is, that, and I used to, when I was younger, I would be finding,

Targets for my frustration with the way that things are so obviously the way things are
needs a lot of help and of course a very ready target for this would be the people who

without doubt are trying to Brainwash us that we can't possibly be happy unless we buy
what they're trying to sell us.

Okay, we know that that's happening But this keeps getting back to personal and spiritual
development at the end Is that even all that is true and I would accept that that's true

Bye.

in life is to be self-determining, self-independent, be my own person.

And even if that stuff is going on, I have to take responsibility for my own life because
nobody else is going to.

So if I'm not willing to do that, then I'm vulnerable.

And I think this even hits on to what you were talking about with women choosing to dress
sexy.

They can have 50 different reasons from

political to whatever their reasons are, at the end of the day, it's not that complicated.

It's best that you present yourself in a world in a way that people will have a clear
understanding who you are and treat you accordingly.

If you do, it's Friday night and you want to go out and you want to get fucked, then just
wear that low-cut dress and high heels and this and that's what you're saying and that's

what you're going to get.

Okay, and but if that's not the attention you want to get then what the hell you're doing
you supposedly you're calling yourself an intelligent woman and You're pointing yourself

out this way and you're getting attention a certain type of attention Why are you doing
that?

What what's your motivation to do this is your motivation to tease somebody?

Yeah.

frustrates somebody is it your mom i mean think about is your motive that your intelligent
person is your motivation that you want to get impregnated tonight is that you're into you

know

what exactly this is why the thing is I don't do what

they want, but what I'm hoping is that people actually kind of give some thought about why
they're making the choices they make.

So if you're going to dress sexy, you know, be clear about why you're doing it.

If you think,

yeah, I'm just going out, I'm having fun.

Like, be intelligent.

Don't act like a six-year-old.

You're not a six-year-old.

I mean, you're...

actually, if you're gonna dress like that and go out...

you actually are putting yourself in danger.

So you be clear about that and you could blame other forces about why you're in danger but
that's really not the issue.

The issue is you're putting yourself in danger why are you choosing to do that?

You're going to attract a lot of bad energy.

You're going to attract a lot of unwanted attention.

And people are going to be basically watching where your tits are and not where your
head's at.

think about, you know, if you are attracting this, is this actually what you want?

If that's what you want, okay, we're all fine.

But you can't do it both ways.

Right, right.

I think there's such a disconnect, especially for women with clothing.

mean, and some of it is what is available.

Some of it is what's sold to you in a certain age bracket.

Like if you're under 25, if you're between 18 and 25, like the stores that you go to,
because you're generally broke, like sell a certain kind of really crappy top, sparkly top

and stuff.

But there's a real disconnect between like what you're wearing in your own body.

I mean, I think I've seen this happen where people are wearing things and it's like they
have no concept of what it's really saying about them.

They've only seen it from the perspective that it was sold to them.

Right, so this always goes back to the same, I to me it's like, I'm always mentioning my
love for this whole kiss thing, keep it simple, stupid.

It's a great one.

It's like, people are making all these things much more complicated than they actually
are, and it's always better to keep it simple because it is simple.

In the end of the day, all of this comes back to the same cause, is people are not
self-aware.

and they should be putting their energy into having a better relationship with themselves
so they are aware of why they're doing what they're doing and making conscious choices

that are congruent with what they want in their life.

But people are very lazy and they don't want to take personal responsibility and then
stuff happens and they start blaming everybody else but they had a part in this.

remember, for instance, I remember somebody was so mad at me.

because this was a remember the OJ Simpson trial?

Well, somebody was really mad at me because during the trial, I have no doubt he killed
her.

oh I mean, I didn't personally personally, I don't think there's any doubt that he killed
her.

But that was in the whole story to me.

Okay.

So, but people were like focusing just on that.

And I remember I was talking to this intelligent woman who I would probably call a
feminist type.

And we were talking about it and we both agreed that there's no doubt that he did this.

But it was funny because I was also watching a lot of the newsreels of her, of them as a
couple.

How she kind of was, how she presented herself.

just her whole vibe.

And I made the comment that, you know, he killed her, but uh she probably brought some of
this on herself.

And of course the woman was like furious with me that I was even suggesting that she being
the victim had any part in this whatsoever, that she was just, was a hundred percent that

this guy killed her.

And she was totally an innocent victim.

And condoning, I'm not apologizing, I'm not condoning what he did on any level.

oh But first of all, is that this woman married a guy.

oh Who that's how he, he's an egomaniac.

Okay.

He is, he is narcissistic.

He married a narcissistic guy.

Okay.

Because.

She wanted something.

She wanted his money.

She wanted to associate with his face.

She wanted something.

It wasn't like he's the kind of guy that he was like a saint.

No, he, he, he, she wanted something.

And all the pictures that I saw of her, she was very suggestive in her own way.

And it was just like, she lived a certain kind of life that attracted a certain kind of
danger.

She was with a dangerous guy.

And then she knew how narcissistic he was.

She knew how jealous he was.

And she started engaging apparently in behavior that was probably at least partly to
provoke his jealousy.

Okay, so this does, I'm not condoning or apologizing that he killed her.

Obviously I'm not saying that.

What I'm just saying is that she's not a fully conscious person and she put herself in a
very dangerous position.

by the way that she presented herself.

could have done this whole, I mean, she could have divorced from him and found herself in
church every day.

You know what saying?

Yeah.

So no, no, she's already, she's dating guys in public around where he could see.

know, see I'm saying very day.

I mean this goes back to what we were saying about our responsibility I mean if you are
aware of the person that you're with you can kind of calculate what the consequences of

that are gonna be oh

on the subway the other day.

it was late at night and there was like these 20 something girls obviously going to or
from a party They all were a little drunk Okay, so I'm not commenting about I mean, it's

not against the law to drink but they're all a little drunk they're only their high heels
Plenty of lipstick glossy lipstick the whole thing low-cut dresses.

They're kind of tumbling kind of stumbling over themselves They're actually in danger

They're actually in there.

You're dressed like that.

It's at night.

You're stumbling over yourself and you're dressing extremely provocatively.

um You're vulnerable.

You could be walking down the wrong street.

You don't have all your senses about you either.

Okay, so why are you choosing to do that?

Don't you know that's dangerous?

It's dangerous.

It is dangerous.

So people get mad.

They'll go, well, why should it be dangerous?

This, they this whole sexist thing.

Yeah.

But the day who cares?

Because if something happens to you, okay.

Or somebody you care about who cares what the politics are.

Okay.

In the end, something's happened and you had a say in that you, you, you put yourself in
that position by things that you did and choices that you made.

And it may have cost you your life.

Yeah, actually, this is funny.

This is my friend Rob is he man, he's like super obsessed with just Darwinism and just our
animal nature.

And when we talk about men and women, you know, he just keeps harping, harking back on
that.

That's what we get wrong that women or the feminist movement or whatever has forgotten to
include that we're animals and that, you know, there's desire.

And that chicks are hot to men and that that's not going to change.

And this power, like that there is a certain dynamic inherent in the species between men
and women.

Um, and no matter, you know, it doesn't matter that we've had, you know, uh, that we've
had this feminist movement, no guy walking down the street on a Friday night is thinking

about that.

mean,

We haven't changed male consciousness or people's consciousness to just think, oh, yes, I
am looking at a very hot, very drunk girl on the subway, but, you know, nope, I'm not

gonna have nasty thoughts about her.

No, I'm not.

mean, even if you're not gonna do something malicious, you know, just engaging with her in
a sexual way, assuming that that's what she wants.

I think the chick has probably heard, well, they can't think that, that's wrong, because
I'm not literally asking for it.

it.

is, why even would you want that kind of attention to begin with?

I mean, that's a whole other issue.

Why, by dressing this way, what actually are fishing for?

Because you're

house by yourself.

You are going out in public and presenting yourself knowing that people are going to look
at you.

So it is your intention.

Okay, it is your intention to get attention in this way.

And so without again getting into the politics of it, it's not just having fun.

That's not even honest.

You're fishing for some kind of attention.

Why are you fishing for that attention to begin with?

That is

That is really what the issue is.

Well, think that, I mean, I want to, I want to say that they're for, for a certain kind of
woman, dressing sexy is getting back to a pure essential part of yourself.

So for a lot of those chicks, I mean, that is the, that is the time that they're letting
their freak flag fly.

Um, you know, for whatever reason, that's how they're doing it.

Um, I mean, but it's,

The that style, I mean, the reason that you see that is a lot of different things.

mean, some of it is literally clubs have dress codes.

I mean, some of it is just social pressure.

Some of it is just the the fad.

mean, some of it is that's what you see other people doing.

So, you know, that's what it means to go out on a

Well, and I

you know forget forgetting the corporate thing altogether in this whole thing this whole
club thing because I love going to clubs because I like watching people and I do I like

going to clubs I like watching people it's very I love love being there and why I'm just
kind of hearing people lie to each other yeah very entertaining and and and the thing

it's like this whole thought that some

the guys are liars and the women are these innocent bystanders.

It's totally untrue.

They're all co-conspirators.

Like, you know, I go down in South America, for instance, and an infidelity down there is
highly accepted.

Okay, not like here.

It's highly accepted, which I don't agree with.

I think it should be totally unacceptable.

Okay, that's just a side comment.

This whole...

...none-

is infidelity acceptable behavior, but there is this thought thrown out there that somehow
the guys are unfaithful and the women are not unfaithful.

who are they having sex with?

So they have other unfaithful married women, where they're having sex with women who know
that guys are married and they're co-conspirators and break in.

It takes two to make this happen.

it's only the men is actually another social lie.

women...

We're talking about all these shows.

I was flying over.

America a couple weeks ago so I kind of this like on-flight thing you know and they have
these series and I got really hooked on this whole Mad Men series.

yeah!

It's great, know, 50s New York and all this.

Really interesting because of course, you know, that was like the height of like this
machoism in the United States and Madison Avenue and the men running everything and

drinking in the office and smoking and the secretaries basically being sex objects.

You've been played very hard into that.

even though maybe they felt they didn't have a choice, but they manipulated the situation
themselves.

wasn't just, they weren't just the victims, they manipulated the system themselves to get
ahead.

Yeah, and you see that in the show, which is...

And how they dressed up and the whole they played.

So they're of playing this game together.

And so everybody's got to take responsibility.

And to me as a woman, you're getting this whole feminism thing.

And we can talk a lot about in another show about my spiritual teachers thought about all
of that, which is very interesting.

You know, I respect, I have friends of mine and women who...

deeply entrenched in the whole politics and the history of it.

But at the end of the day, I think people have to just have a lot of self-respect and take
responsibility for themselves.

And if you want people to treat you a certain way, you have to treat yourself a certain
way.

You have to be conscious about how you present yourself.

You've to be conscious about what you do and you say.

And you have have a kind of life.

If you're not tuned into yourself, your whole life is incongruent and you're confused and
you don't even know how to present yourself.

And you don't want to know.

To me, lot of what you're talking about is no more complicated than people not wanting to
take just responsibility.

They're preferring not to pay attention.

It just takes less energy.

Yeah, totally.

I think you see that a lot.

I mean, we have a whole culture of not taking responsibility and not caring.

No, had to say the thing.

People get mad at me all the time.

I just say sometimes what's just on my mind and I was at some yoga thing, know, and this
is supposedly a place for spiritual thing.

And this woman was a teacher there.

And we're kind of in a different space with it.

you know, she's teaching, she's got a low-cut thing and, you know, she's showing all her
cleavage and all this.

And she's in class, but that's what she

after class I said.

And she goes thank you very much.

I'm going.

She's what?

Yeah, I'm going look I said I love you taught a great class but.

you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're
you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're

She's going whoa, and she was very mad at me.

uh died you know you know uh She's having impact on people and that is not what we're
about and So you know the comment I got back was well, you're uptight

You think I'm uptight?

Fine.

I'm not.

If you think I'm uptight, I say that's fine, but...

But we're not like everybody else.

So that's what everybody else is doing.

So you're teaching, and you could have worn anything today, but you chose to wear that.

So you chose to show your tits.

You chose to do that.

oh And so that wasn't like some accident.

You actually made the choice to do that.

because you were trying to show something, okay?

And that's not actually what we're doing here.

So I hate to be the one to share that with you, but that's some, whatever you're doing is
not actually what we're doing here.

Yeah, that's hearing you tell that story makes me think of women saying, you can have it
both ways.

And that's what that kind of reminds me of.

Yeah, like that you can be a yoga teacher and I mean, not that she can't be but in the
same moment you can be a yoga teacher and a bodacious babe.

Well, Benzie, your definition of bodacious babe,

like, you again, I you you've met my you've met my wife.

She's very beautiful woman.

Yeah, she

She's a bodacious babe.

I put her in that category.

but she doesn't have to she's never done anything like that.

She's beautiful.

She is no in a way, you know, I know there'll be people listening who just want to have my
head, you know, but to me, if you're bodacious, bodacious, babe, you don't have to prove

it.

Everybody knows it.

You know it.

You don't prove anything.

So when you're doing this kind of stuff, it's like you don't believe it yourself.

You if you're beautiful inside and out.

You don't have to prove anything to anybody, everybody knows.

The people who actually have to do anything like that they're not a hundred percent sure
so they feel like they have to somehow enhance themselves.

My wife, she's a beautiful woman, she has a you know, and she doesn't have show anything
more because...

everybody knows, know, you know what saying?

Yeah.

You don't have to prove it.

So to me, to me, that's, know, and so what

trying to teach people actually is that people should find you beautiful just like are.

And you should feel yourself beautiful as you are and if you feel like you have to somehow
manipulate that then you're not sure.

I don't think that's the right message.

What was the term that you used for the way that you project yourself?

Bow, the table leg, early- Hibana.

What if that's her-bana?

oh

That is her BANA.

Not if it's BANA, that is her BANA.

And the BANA is actually not going to take her very far.

That BANA is not going to take her very far.

Okay, so you can you choose your mana.

Your Bana is whatever you're wearing.

is your Bana.

But the thing is, that if you're aspiring to be a person who's just very conscious in
every way, your Bana has to be equally conscious as everything They meditate, they do

yoga, they do this, and then they just...

hooker okay well that's not

Exactly gonna work out because your tape is gonna be lopsided here Everything has got to
be together and again some people are saying well, okay, you're being uptight They're not

understanding where I'm coming from.

I'm not actually against anything.

I'm for something, you know it This kind of life is actually it's good to be modest.

It's just a good thing to be modest.

It's it's not

a good thing to draw attention to yourself for something that actually is no reason to
draw attention to.

For instance, if you are in a committed, loving relationship with somebody, they know
where all the goods are.

em You don't have to be out in public showing what...

Right.

You know what saying?

This is something in the world right now.

going to last either because people are just going to get bored with all this.

It's very uninteresting actually.

Yeah, I mean there's a physical limit to how far we can push the envelope.

and people think that...

being great by pushing the envelope but actually it's they're numb.

Yeah, it's true.

mean, there is something kind of disappointing about living through Lady Gaga, because
it's like, nope, seen it all.

Yeah, and I look

I'm like, what is that?

I I understand that she's creative in her own way, but is this the best we got?

mean, who the hell is she?

mean, she's, seriously, she's like a nobody.

This is the best the society is producing.

I mean, there's nothing inspiring about her.

just, she pushes the envelope, but if, you know, being around her and listening to her
music is not going to bring you

any closer to feeling your own self.

I don't get it.

it is, I don't get it.

Yeah, I mean, think that for some people it is just because she packages it with a message
of loving, acceptance, equality, which those are all really great things.

For me, there's a disconnect between her actual product and

haven't looked at her,

If you ever look at her, and again, I gotta, she'll call up, she'll kill me too, everybody
will be mad at me.

But you know, she's very talented, what she does, but at the end of the day, it's all
about her.

That's what she's about.

She's about, she's.

love with herself.

Yeah.

But she's not in love with herself, the spiritual.

She's in love with her ego.

Right.

Okay, so she's really into being Lady Gaga.

But

At end of day, she's just another person who's going to be

70 years from now.

she, and she talks enlightened things.

I've heard that, but she's not an enlightened person.

You know, she's actually a pretty mediocre person who has gained fame.

that fame is going to be very heavy on her a few years from now.

So, you you can see what it does to people, but no.

on the

The Bana is very important and people, I think, really need to present themselves in a way
that's congruent with who they are.

And to the extent that they don't, they're making themselves very vulnerable, at the very
least, to being misunderstood.

Yeah.

This is one of the problems, for instance, the people, even though they...

dress appropriately, you know, you go to like, or they do you go like Wall Street and you
know, everybody's dress a certain way.

And also I like to go around Wall Street.

like looking at all the suits because I'm not fooled actually, even though they're all
suits and they're all working for some financial firm.

I know for a fact that you got all kinds of people there who are scared little boys.

who are domination freaks who are into whatever or healthy family people, but they're all
kind of dressed a certain way.

And that's what they want because they want to actually hide all personality.

I mean, I do, I wear suits too.

like, I like that.

I like Italian clothes.

I like Italians cause I like doing that too.

But you can be also kind of mesmerized by that and forget that behind that is a scared
little person.

And so I think it's important that people project themselves in a way that they're
understood and then they feel better about themselves.

But it's very frustrating when people are misunderstood.

so, you know, I think that this did this actually I think the bigger thing about the women
in society than it being a political thing.

think that that women as men

as well are actually not accepting who they are and they're trying to be what they think
other people want them to be.

And so that's really the source of everything that every individual, whether they're a man
or woman, should love themselves for who they are.

be everything that they were meant to be, enjoy themselves and present themselves in a way
congruent with this that people will appreciate them for who they are.

I think that all this suffering is caused when people are trying to project themselves in
a way that's not congruent with this.

And so, you we started this out talking about suggestive dress.

And men do this too.

meant to have suggestive dress as well.

But I think that if you're to dress suggestively, ah let's be clear about what's going on
here and let's accept whatever the results are going to be.

Don't, don't, and then get pissed off that people are treating you like you're some kind
of slut.

If you're dressing like a slut, people expect that people are going to treat you like a
slut.

And there's no other way to say this.

That's how it is.

For any kind of suggestion.

I mean if you're wearing, you know, outdated super dorky clothes and you get treated like
a dork.

You know what?

really like what you said because that is perfect what you said and people tend to use
that word only for sexual dress but it's really true that all dress is suggestive.

That's what Bonna is really saying.

Bonna is really saying that all your dress is suggestive so what is it that you're
suggesting?

when we talk about sexy dress you're suggesting something so be careful what it is that
you're suggesting because that's what you're going to attract.

Right.

You know and sometimes

Sometimes people, you could dress up a total dummy and give them like horn room glasses
and a suit and they'll look like a smart person.

They're dressed as suggesting they're college professor, but actually they don't even know
how to read.

Okay, so that could cause a lot of problems.

Similarly, for instance you're trying to attract into your life a very respectful man, uh

for example, somebody who's going to honor and respect you and try, the whole thing.

And you're suggesting something else, then how exactly are going to attract that?

You're not.

You're going to attract a guy who would like to have you for an evening.

If you're suggesting by your dress that you're available for the evening.

And why wouldn't, and why, and you can't.

totally there's some say I've suggested

So he's a dummy to begin with.

Right.

So you're suggesting to a dummy that you're available.

So why would you be offended that they're asking you to come over to their apartment
because suggesting that and then you're angry because you're saying you're not suggesting

it.

And I would say, you

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, there's a lot of that.

It is a tough message.

mean, it is a tough message for however you are cloaking yourself.

mean, like, I don't know if you've witnessed this phenomenon, but when I was in high
school, wearing pajama pants as like regular pants to the mall or whatever, or to school

was like the biggest thing.

And in some sense, like the bonnet was really

like a tight knit cultural thing.

We're only in this circle in this pocket of California would it be understood as like,
it's really super cool.

You're wearing pajama pants with your high school sweatshirt.

Awesome.

But I mean, I've seen that trend continue into adulthood and you see people dress like
kids or you see them dress really super schlubby.

we like on the subway now, wearing their underwear and their pants are down.

Like, oh my God.

I feel like that's kind of like there is a certain element of clothing that is meant to be
rebellious and that's really awesome like you know I I I love that it's completely

non-functional and it makes Bill Cosby crazy

Well,

I understand why the basic mess, it's funny because we're these, a lot of this French
language, but it's funny because we talk about the girls who wear the low cuts thing and

everything and it's kind of like fuck me dress.

But the dress that you're talking about is a fuck you dress.

It's a like, go fuck yourself thing.

I don't care what you think.

Actually, I mean a few years ago.

I shaved my head and it was awesome.

I'm gonna do it again this summer.

Can't wait and uh But like my favorite thing to do would be to wear like a dress with like
a feminine dress with my shaved head and like The it was a total fuck you.

It was like not not really a fuck you thing I didn't really want to be mean but it was
like Check it out.

Like I'm blowing your mind right now.

And like that was the that was the point and like I

I mean, feel like people, there's some people that do that.

And I actually kind of feel like that's a really cool way to engage.

It's a heightened way to understand your own power.

You know.

instance, my take on you doing that is different than what I saw in the subway because you
actually, to me, have a conscious reason that sort of fits into where you're going.

And on the other hand, when I see this from some of these people on the subway, the kids,
they'll have the thing down in their crotch and showing their underwear.

Like if I was, I'd kick their ass and throw them out of the house, that would be it.

You'd throw you would you would give them not a bed to sleep in.

That's right.

Yeah, I would I would not.

Yeah, seriously.

That's how much I love him.

I would not do that.

Yeah, I would not because because he it's not even a matter conformity.

It's like.

What exactly, even if you kind of irreverent and I understand that because I was there.

so I and I was very and I'm still rebellious.

I'm

consider myself a rebellious person, but it's kind of like, okay, you had given this
precious life.

I get you got this fuck you attitude.

I don't really even blame you, but what exactly is your purpose?

And the answer is in most cases, they don't have any.

I find a person having a fuck you attitude being irreverent, but I want, I want to see
some purpose.

Just having no purpose is actually to me, God's given you this life and all you're wanting
to do is to flush down the toilet.

You don't have actually anything, anything to add.

I see, again, everybody will kill me about something I'm saying today, but some of these,
you know, they're with their iPhones and all this and they're using all this.

That's great.

Okay.

least.

somebody

put in the work to kind of create that iPhone.

what are you doing to contribute anything?

Contribute anything?

So just having your pants down

your crotch, exactly what is that contributing to anybody?

To me, I don't mind people having an attitude if in some way they have something to add
instead of just wanting to take and being angry.

So I understand the source of their anger.

I'm compassionate towards it.

But just to have that attitude and not to offer

anything whatsoever on any level, which is what I'm seeing.

To me, that's not constructive at all.

uh so what you're doing is a little different because it's kind of like in context.

to what you're trying to bring.

You actually are bringing a lot.

And I understand how that would fit into that.

But I wouldn't throw that into the same category of something I've just explained where I
see people at.

All they're doing is basically saying, screw you.

they're just angry at everybody, but they're not showing anything and wanting to help
anybody.

That's what I want to see.

there, I mean, there's a lot of nihilism and it's Sophie and I were just talking about
this this morning that, you know, we, we grew up in, for the most part, we developed

during the pre nine 11 days, which were very idealistic and you know, Clinton economy,
things were good, but a lot of kids these days, like kids that are 11 now were born.

when the war on terror started.

So that's all that they know.

And the world that they've grown up in is a very cynical world.

I I care a lot about comedy.

think comedy is like the best thing for the world.

Like that's how I tap in.

That's how I get my mojo going.

I feel like comedians are, they're the philosophers.

They're the storytellers.

um But like if you look at trends in comedy, feel like comedy is getting a little more
cynical too.

It's sad.

You know, on the other hand...

the devil's advocate.

This is kind of like the paradox is that, you know, yeah, there's been a lot of changes
since I've been a kid and you know, and I go back even farther than you obviously.

But ah on the other hand, people, people.

I don't think things have...

people in life is actually pretty much the same.

And wherever I go in the world, people are pretty much the same.

And every now and then I think it's one of the great lessons we have from some of these
scriptures that go way back, mean like thousands of years even, and you read about these

spiritual teachings of these great saints and they come from different cultures and
different times and some of them are like 300 years ago, a thousand years ago.

And it's like they're saying the same thing.

It's pretty amazing.

And it really gets to about human philosophy and the things that drive people and how they
got into it how you get out of it.

the story is actually, I mean, this is, and these things were like written before all this
technology and all these things happened and how bad, you talk about 9-11 and I mean, you

know, this is probably nothing compared to like the dark ages in Europe.

Sure.

there's been all kinds of things.

I mean, like, 70 % of people were dead in the streets.

mean, so that you can be cynical.

Everybody in your family is dead and there's no food and everything is you know, you don't
know if you live another day, right?

You know, and you know, the Civil War here.

mean, there's always

and as always,

been like tremendously periods of, so that's almost like nothing.

mean, so people have always had reason to be, actually, I think it goes down to what we've
talked about on other shows that uh this has never left because.

you can't get away from this, nobody's going to be around for very long.

mean, so it doesn't matter whether it's the dark ages or terrorism or World War II, uh
you're still not going to be here very long.

you know, people are always dealing with existential fear.

And so the things that drive people, like your friend, you know, they're just the Darwin
kind of stuff.

I mean, just the need to procreate, need to feel comfortable.

uh

existential quite these actually things have always been pretty much the same and so I
think human nature so things have changed but human nature hasn't changed and at the end

of the day when you're dealing when I'm dealing with a person sitting in front of me let's
have a counseling client it doesn't thousand years ago I'm dealing with human nature

And what people want and what people are afraid of are pretty much the same today as they
were a thousand years ago at a basic level.

So, you know, the challenge always is to, while I'm here, is it always gets back to, you
know, who am I?

Why am I here?

What's this about?

And these are not that complicated questions, but they're very profound questions, but
they're not very complicated.

So uh it still gets back to human nature.

the challenges of today that we talked about in this conversation have, ah it has more to
do with these days people uh seemingly have, at least on the surface, more freedom to do

what they want to do.

Where in the past that they were often, especially in periods of time, much more beholden
to social norms.

Now people can pretty much do whatever they want.

But there's still people and there's, and in a lot of ways um that's made their life more
complicated.

Yeah, the paradox of choice.

Yeah, they have the difficulty in today's age actually is that people have a really
problem especially with young people today is that on the one hand you seemingly have more

liberty and more freedom of choice but on the other hand this is there has not been an
accompanied growth in uh consciousness so

even though you have more choices, that doesn't mean that you're more likely to make good
choices.

In fact, you may even be more confused than ever.

Just because you have more choices doesn't mean that you actually have the ability to make
good choices.

And in the past, you had less choices, so you had less of a chance of making...

bad choices because there was some kind of social control protecting you.

Now, I think it's a very insecure time to live because from a young age, people are being
presented with limitless choices, but they really don't have the wisdom to handle all

those choices.

And they make sometimes disastrous choices that there's less social control for than there
was before.

Yeah.

No, I mean, that's I mean, I feel that like just going to the store and trying to buy
cereal, you know, I mean.

Yeah, well, actually, when I first moved to New York, like, I mean, I was pretty I was
pretty young, like.

mentally or like in terms of my own development like before I moved out of my parents
house I didn't like I didn't even do the laundry, you know, I wasn't like pitching in as

an adult at all.

So I had no concept of what that was like.

And I remember going to the store like for the first time and trying to buy myself food
and being totally overwhelmed and like so saddened that they didn't have the same kind of

yellow cheese that my parents had bought for the last 15 years and just being like, well,
what do I do now?

Like, fuck it.

Fuck every

I'm gonna eat crackers.

Yeah.

That was how I-

know, thinking about this

yesterday I was watching this thing about this couple who got killed with the woman who
was pregnant you know I actually saw that guy and her on the a little while ago yeah I saw

them about a month ago

How did- what?

How do you know that you saw them?

Because he's very, both of them are very different looking.

She's very attractive.

And he's a guy.

He's got the beard and kind of like the kind of very modest clothing.

But if you look at him, that's actually a very good looking couple.

uh And I was on the train and he had that big hat on.

And he had very light hair.

Very unusual for that group, know, the Hasidics, mostly they have brown or black hair, but
he had like blondish hair.

It was very unusual and he had very light features and he had this big hat on so he really
stood out.

But there's no doubt that that was him.

And she was there and I actually, when I saw them month ago, I was thinking to myself,
boy, you know, uh she's very attractive.

I'm thinking of this, so it's so interesting that I saw that they got killed yesterday.

today or the other day because I saw them on the train a short while ago and I remembered
them and I was remembering that she was a very attractive woman and how interesting it was

that ah in this society that ah you know she could have been one of like the bodacious
babe types but she was within this you know culture where

there was really no um reason for her to present herself that way.

And she never had to.

And he hit me as kind of um a different kind of sort that he seemed like, uh not only was
his features light, but there was something about him that was very light.

And I and I kicked myself the other day because I got you know I wanted to go over and
talk to them and I didn't and I really kicked myself because I really would have wanted to

connect with them because I thought that they were kind of very different and uh And
again, you know, it's kind of interesting, know with again the world of choice is that you

know right around the corner a couple miles away there's a community like their community
who uh is being by a different uh norm and so

So they have, on the one hand, have less choices.

But on the other hand, um you know, it sounds like they were very happy couple until, and
their time was done, that was it.

Yeah.

Was it?

Yeah, I we, uh, we talked to a Hasidic woman for doing it.

And I mean, that was really interesting.

And I think that she was very happy and she was obviously very in love.

Obviously very, you know, she was a full bodied.

woman and a full bodied person.

And I mean, there was nothing that I could see that she was missing out on per se.

I mean, she had a social life, she had a love life, she had a family.

uh She had a spiritual life, she had a uh banging career.

I mean, she had everything.

And it, I mean, and she was the way that she talked about it was that, you know, it was
kind of, that's the point.

That's why

they've limited the choices, that you can focus on the good stuff.

that every...

Yeah, like so nobody's paying attention.

Spana too, that's the same with me.

I'm at Spana too, so I've made these commitments and people would see they're restrictive
but they don't actually look at the whole picture in that in some ways it limits my

choices but I've made the choice, I mean, so it's as if I've made the choice to limit my
choices to create more room.

So my life is not filled with

conflict inner conflict I've decided to sort out that inner conflict to create space so
actually my life is lighter not heavier and I assume that people will look at somebody

like her but they don't see in the whole picture I had an inch and couple goes up in Maine
and uh and somebody took me to a farm that happened to be run by the Amish uh

And of course I was dressed to the nines like I dressed.

They were dressed the way they were.

So they were kind of, they had never seen anybody like me in Maine before.

So even they couldn't, I mean they were trying not to look, they even, know, normally they
have people looking at them, but now they're looking at me.

I said, hey, you're looking at me.

I said you looking at me like people looking at you.

And they actually started laughing.

They started laughing and I go, yeah, I'm a Tarinam.

How you doing?

And then they're like, who is this guy?

And we landed up talking and normally an Amish woman would never talk to a man outside of
the culture, but actually I kind of can get away with it because I look like I'm safe.

And so we were talking and it was the same kind of conversation that you're describing
here that from the outside it would look like they had a very restrictive life, but

they were telling me a lie and it pretty much sound like anybody else else life minus like
television

and you know and getting high and all this other stuff uh they had a social life and they
had friends and they had children they have a sex life and they have a job and in a way

you know maybe not all their children would want this maybe they want more choices but is
the choice they made and they seem to pretty happy with that choice

yeah, that's so funny.

my god.

Well, they must have just thought you were another alien

sometimes you know depending where it is I mean actually

York, I can't dress to the nines here and nobody would even look at me because
everything's just kind of plopped here from somewhere.

so nothing is out.

I mean, it's funny.

I mean, I can walk here naked and nobody would even look.

mean, people don't know.

Yeah, I've often wondered how far I could get on foot if I just like tried to run across
the Queensborough bridge.

I'm gonna try one day.

well, I- Get all the way across.

But I have, I think the funniest thing I ever remember was that, you know, I used to live
out in Oregon and sometimes I'd be driving out to, I mean, Portland's a little different,

it's a city, but you'd get out to like Eastern Oregon.

And this is like a whole nother place.

Oh no, Eugene's still, but I'm talking like Eastern Oregon, like the desert in Oregon,
which is over half the state actually.

I had no idea it was a death.

most of Oregon is a desert.

Oh wow.

Yeah, the people live in the valley, but the desert is where most of the land is.

Okay.

And it's really beautiful.

It's high desert.

It's most of the state's high desert.

And you go out there, and I remember I was going out there, it was really funny because I
was driving, I was going to some retreat, some photography retreat out, oh god, middle of

nowhere in Eastern Oregon near Idaho.

And oh I was, first of all, was driving, because I always liked convertibles.

So I was driving like a Toyota MR2 with the top off.

That was my car.

For 20 years, I drove it.

For 20 years, I had like one of these little compact MR2s.

And so I, and a white, it was an all white MR2.

And I'm driving in the middle of desert.

I come into like this, this gas station that had like a diner, right?

And I get out of the car and I'm dressed all in white, turban.

you know, very blingy and the whole thing.

And I got out of my car and I went to pump the gas and I look in the diner, everyone in
the diner is like their faces against the window and it looked to them like a UFO just

landed.

Seriously, they're looking at me like.

Like actually, like an alien creature in a UFO just landed in front of the gas station.

And I had to crack up because the people were actually paralyzed because it was out of
there.

so, when uh I go to some country and I'm in the middle of nowhere, like I'll be in the
middle of Bolivia or something and I'll show up and I'm dressed all in white with the

turban.

They've actually never seen a person like me.

Even in Mexico, when my wife met me, she never saw a person like me.

So, you know, I go to places and sometimes people never see this.

But again, you know, it gets back to Bona is like, it does does matter thing.

Even if they've never seen a person like me, if I'm congruent, what I really want to have
happen ideally is that my presentation, this is like the ultimate that my presentation

even to somebody who doesn't know what I am.

they'll immediately think of God.

That actually would be the ideal is that just the Bona would, not that I'm God, but you
know, in the way that they think of God, that when they see me, that that is kind of,

something in them is sparked.

See, it's the same thing.

We keep going back to like the sexy dress, like versus this dress, is that if somebody's
presenting them in this certain way,

Often the first impulse of the person seeing them, let's say a woman is dressing a certain
way, she goes into a club, all right, and a guy sees her.

The very first thing he's thinking of is getting laid.

He's thinking of sex.

He's looking at her and he's imagining her naked.

That's the

guys think that with every woman they see ever?

That's the popular like that's what's going around these days

uh You know, I know I well I would say this if if that's true Okay, then I think that's
even more reason for people to be careful about how they dress sure, okay if if that's a

tendency that's not Exactly harmless.

See, I don't think it's something you want exactly if that okay So I'm just playing
devil's advocate if that is how a man naturally would think

Okay.

Then he doesn't need any actual more uh stimulation or encouragement.

He's already thinking that way.

So why, what do you have to gain to actually, um, to increase that?

And what you're doing then is that if he's already being devil's advocate, if he's already
thinking of you in those terms, if he's already undressing you like that, okay.

Then if you are

If you're amplifying that, encouraging it, then you're manipulating.

Right.

And then you're being seductive.

seductive is being...

Well, when you're being seductive consciously, then you're actively in the part of
manipulating.

And any time a person manipulates anybody, there's karma coming back the other way.

So it's always dangerous to manipulate because it's very self-centered.

And so if you're consciously trying to manipulate a situation, good luck.

If you want to manipulate it, you can manipulate it, but just know that you're included in
the equation.

You can't just manipulate another person.

If you manipulate another person, you're going to be sucked right into that whole drama.

And so be careful.

It's like they say, be careful what you pray for.

You just may get it.

If you want that attention,

just may get it, then you're to have to live with it.

So yeah, to me, again, if somebody is amplifying it, they're amplifying it to the extent
that people not only may be addressing you, now they're getting ideas in their head that

they're actually going to be doing something about it or hoping to do something about it.

So then that's why there's religious stress, because there's an unconscious idea that

Okay, we're going to take another way.

Instead of somebody seeing me and thinking about sex, ideally I'm trying to inspire so
somebody will look at me and it'll touch a part of them that's very divine.

So I'm actually using my projection as a way to uplift the people around me, not as a way
to actually uh just trouble them.

Right, or show off or...

but you're gonna get a reaction

And actually, what you can do is you can upset people even.

You can upset and you get their head crazy.

And sure you can, you get people crazy.

Sure, why wouldn't you?

mean, if you, you know, and I've seen this, like somebody who's very suggestive, and she's
in an environment where she's certainly not going to engage in sex with the people in that

environment.

Yeah.

now they're all stimulated and they're all wacky.

Okay.

And so what exactly is helpful about that?

And in fact, it could turn into something that's bad.

Sure.

And actually even stimulate the guy into later on uh doing something that he shouldn't be
doing to somebody else.

I mean, you know, oh it's just like, like, again, it's

it's to me you know a woman wants

said something to me and it left a big impression on me.

And it's actually somebody who I know to be a hardcore feminist.

And we were talking about this thing and she was a feminist and I joked to her, but we're
very good friends.

Feminist, you you're sexy for a feminist.

And she said to me, I knew from college, you're very serious.

And I said, oh, you're just kind of sexy feminist.

And she said,

Well, there's nothing she said this well shows there's nothing m

innocent flirtation.

And I said to, don't agree with you.

I think that there's no such thing as innocent flirtation.

I don't think flirtation is ever innocent because innocent would suggest that it's
harmless.

And I don't think flirtation is ever harmless because you're disturbing people and your
intent is to disturb.

you think it's fun, but it's not like my idea fun.

It's not really how you want somebody to look at you, and why don't you engage with
somebody honestly and not suggestively?

People should really enjoy you just for being yourself.

And they'll find that sex.

in a healthy way and if they're interested in engaging you further, that's a whole nother
history, but but you know ah So again, it gets back to bond.

It's like, you know, what kind of effect do you want to have on other people?

I mean, how do you want people to...

you and what kind of effect would you like to have on your fellow human being?

maybe a lot of people none because like again I always thought about being on the subway.

So on the subway platform here coming to your place here.

And I was.

noting to myself how many of the people on the subway platform were actually trying to be
invisible.

They don't want to have any, they have no conscious, they're not consciously trying to uh
impact anybody in any way.

They're just kind of there doing fine.

But actually, I think that it's a nice thing to consciously present yourself in a way that
you know will be uplifting to others.

I think that is a good thing.

It takes a lot of self-confidence to do that, actually present yourself in a way that you
know will have not a neutral thing that people won't notice you, but actually people will

notice you for the right reasons.

And actually will notice you in a

that will actually ennoble their lives.

Yeah, inspire them in a way to do that because people

say that to me all the time.

Yeah, complete.

Yeah, complete straight.

I had had a really beautiful thing happen.

This is this.

Yeah.

So I was walking.

on

street and this this woman in a very bad shape comes running after me.

I okay I start walking a little faster because she's definitely coming after me.

know why she's coming after me but this woman looks like really insane and I'm figuring
she wants money or something but she's right and I start what but she starts running then

she starts running and and she got me by surprise and she caught me.

Catches me and she actually grabs me.

And this is like in the middle of the.

like to the nines here, like, you know, jewels and all this.

She's grabbing me.

And my first thought is, OK, you know, how much am I going to give her?

Because I think that's what she's doing.

And because I wasn't thinking in the moment, and she asked me and she's going, she goes,
oh, and she was tuned right into that because she said to me, she goes, oh, I don't want

any of your money.

She immediately said that she has money.

She goes, but please, please listen to me.

She goes, a few weeks ago, my husband died.

I have cancer.

I don't know how long I'm going to last.

I lost my job.

I don't have any insurance and I have nobody and I don't know what's going to happen to
me.

So I, when I'm asking you is for your prayers.

So I just hugged her and kissed her.

And I said, well, of course, you're always going to have my prayers.

You're my sister.

And she would hold her shoulder.

And I said to her, I'm always going to love you.

And she'd go, thanks.

You're more money than anybody could give me.

And she would say,

and I'm going and I said to myself ah you know I remember

time in my life early when I got into this lifestyle that it would just freak me out that
people would stare at me and then I said to myself my god I am so happy I have this life

because if I actually didn't hold myself out this way actually would have happened.

She wouldn't have anybody but she saw me and she thought okay this is somebody who my soul
can talk to and so

you know, that's, that's what I'm saying.

that's.

why I think it's important to be conscious with your projection.

Because it can have a big impact on people.

To dress like this to do it either, there just has to be something about your projection
that lets people know that you're a person who's a soulful person.

And unfortunately, that's not what people are doing now.

Yeah.

But some people do it.

You do see people who they've just got that walk.

They've just got that step.

I mean, some of it is what they're wearing.

When you do them like like friends is very

interesting, like I see this a lot, because I've been involved in the arts too, I was a
photographer.

To find arts photography, and it was really funny because I'd go to class, and I'd be
wearing all white, and everybody in the class would be wearing all black.

That was their uniform, that's like the uniform of all the artists forever, that they're
wearing black.

I think, why are they doing that?

Why are exactly doing that?

It was almost like a, it was really interesting because...

I didn't partake

but it seemed like whenever I was in these the society of the artists whether it was
writers or photographers or whatever this book in and they weren't black

And like what, It was very...

So, but they're making a statement too.

And so it was funny because I'm saying that because...

I had a very good friend of mine who was having a very difficult time in her life.

But she was really into yoga, and she really respected me a lot.

And her life had hit an absolute rock bottom.

So she asked me if I'd go to lunch with her.

I said, sure.

She's going, you know, my life's hitting rock bottom.

Nothing is working out for me.

uh Just please give me one thing to turn around my life.

Said, well, you really want me to tell you something?

she goes, please, you're the only person I trust in this way.

I go, look, I'm going be honest with you, OK?

That you could totally turn your life around in six months.

Would you do what I tell you to do?

And she goes, well, of course.

I said, I'm not so sure.

OK, I said, so.

And she was a very stylish person.

had all black, but very pretty woman.

Very stylish, but very stylish black.

And the whole thing, she had the whole thing together.

It was all black.

This is all you have to do to change your life.

For the next six months, and you know what?

You can go totally back in six months, but just give this a shot.

For the next six months, instead of wearing black, wear white.

Just drop the black.

place it all with white.

colors either.

Just wear pure white and you've been involved in this world.

I'm not telling you to be a Sikh.

Okay.

Do whatever you want, but just for six months wear a turban.

Wear a white turban and wear all white.

Don't explain anything to anybody.

Just go back to business.

Let's go about your business.

Go to you don't have to say you're seeking.

I just

dress like a Sikh, but don't be a Sikh.

Okay, just do that.

And I promise six months from now your life will be different.

Of course she didn't do that.

And her life kept continuing and actually declining.

But the thing is, is that most of her problems really to me came from what she attracted
by her projection.

Because actually in her heart she really was a person who should be wearing white, not
black.

that actually there was an incongruence that kept attracting the wrong thing into her
life.

She was really more about white than she was about black and she just couldn't accept
that.

And she, even though she may not be a seeker herself, I could see she admired what I stood
for.

So I'm saying, what, you be that.

And you've had a problem of constantly attracting into your life uncommitted banana spine
men.

Constantly.

Okay, so if you actually wear a turban, you're gonna scare off all these guys.

They're not even gonna go near you because you're gonna intimidate them.

Okay, you'll be much too intimidating, so you will have, that's your problem, you're a
very, very beautiful, she's a very beautiful woman.

I said you got a problem, you're a very beautiful woman who's open for business to
anybody.

Okay, so.

open for business with

beautiful woman and you yourself have very low expectations for people being committed to
you.

So you pretty much can attract anything.

So what I do is like for six months you actually try to attract almost nothing.

that you, but not bad, but in a good way, that your projection is going to be so high and
so pure that you will scare off 99 % of the men because they're not even going to want to

get 10 feet near you because your vibration is going to be so high and they'll, you're
inferring, you see, this is the suggestiveness.

You're going to be suggesting that you're an angel.

That's your suggestion and your projection that you're an angel.

uh so they're not going to even go inside your aura.

They're not going to dig on back off.

But the only person who would want to enter into that is somebody who wants to live in
that.

And so I just want you to see for six months that just changing these two things, just go
from black and white.

You're already beautiful.

So you'll be beautiful in a turban with or without a turban.

But you can back off all the makeup, you can all this, you're naturally beautiful.

Now you can be like very angelic, uh but you're gonna come off your whole projection as
very strong as it is.

you're do what it does and I think that will clean up 99 % of the garbage in your life.

Basically the garbage men will take out their own garbage.

Yeah.

You won't actually have to.

just show up and the people who are just causing you grief are all going to disappear and
you're going to attract into your life people who want to be in that vibration and it'll

change everything around you.

And she didn't do it and so she just got more of the same.

yada yada yada.

But this a bonnet thing.

It's very just about turbines and stuff.

It's just about conscious projection.

Yeah, no, I mean, I like that.

It's funny because it just harkens to how...

You know, there's balance in the universe, but what you project is what you attract.

I mean, and it's, mean, that's true.

It's just the simplest way to put it.

You know, I mean, from, you know, whether it's like, if you want to fit in with a hip
crowds, you start dressing hip yourself, you know, and that's what you get to, you know,

dressing angelic and scaring people away who can't hang with that shit.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, well, and it's just at the end of the day.

all comes back to consciousness and awareness.

It's said it's not very complicated.

You know, it really demands somebody to just pay attention and take responsibility for
their own life and to just choose to spend this life in a very precious way.

yeah well thanks it's been another good one in the can I don't wanna be a slave of my
convictions Don't wanna be chained to my circumstance Don't need anybody but myself To

stay alive, I need time

you

I don't want to uh be a slave of my convictions My past is just that and it's gone To save
myself I need to serve no one I feel it's right, I may be wrong I need some special prayer

you oh

that's all

became nightmares my sunny skies turned into a sore reality far from the norm my hopes of
the future are gone i don't want to be a slave of my convictions don't want to stay

chained to my circumstance don't need anybody but myself to stay alive

you

The music you're listening to is by Auntie Depressant.

Hari Nam wants to hear from you.

Email him at harinam56 at gmail.com.

That's H-A-R-I-N-A-M 56 at gmail.com.

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See you on the interdimensional energy matrix.

you

Oh

Mmm, stinky.